Sometimes Life Takes Over

Sometimes I think the phrase, "Just living life" is misused. It is used by people who are doing nothing, but want it to describe the lazy type of life they choose to live (I'm not knocking this, but come on). Sometimes it is used by people who work too much at crappy jobs, making just enough to get by. Sometimes, it is used to romanticize our teen years (it wasn't that great, y'all).

For me, this phrase describes how my life has been for years. I have been doing a lot: marriage, kids, friends, school, work, and all of it is done well. But I have no idea how. I am not complaining: I love my life! But sometimes, reflecting on my life, I realize I would to know how to advise someone on how to balance all of these things. Have I even been doing these things? Who has been living my life for me, accomplishing all of these things?! Am I just living life?

I do have a major case of imposter syndrome, which gives me the amazing ability to be unable to internalize my own accomplishments (go me!), but this is beyond even that.

During orientation for grad school, everyone kept saying, "Balance!" As in, find balance between personal and professional lives, making sure to keep our feet, (or hands, or at least noses), in all parts of our lives, not losing anything as we continue to grow as people. I think I already do this, though unintentionally. I always make sure to watch a few crappy shows on tv, or to go out for ice cream, or take the kids to the park, just to watch them run and laugh.

Though for now I am unable to read for pleasure and I still can't shake the guilt I sometimes feel for having fun instead of preparing for class, I have balance and it's good. Laundry is being folded, children are being raised, friendship is being had, learning is being done. Life is good, even though it does seem to have a mind of its own.

School Supplies

A Lisa Frank binder. Caution: Not a Trapper Keeper!

I went shopping for school supplies yesterday. Yes, I am about to go to grad school and not kindergarten. No, I did not buy crayons. I bought a planner and some new ink pens, but I really wanted a new backpack and maybe a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper. Those were the days. 

What it means to begin a school year has, of course, changed for me over the years, but the need to stock up on paper, pens, and containers for those papers and pens has not changed. It felt good to walk through the aisles of crayons, markers, and erasers even though I bought fancy ink pens instead. The anxiety that comes with a new school year is the same no matter how old you are. School supply therapy helps, though. 

Soon, I will neatly pack my notebook, folders, planner, ink pens, and my MacBook into my bag. In class, I will pull out my stuff, glancing around to make sure I have the coolest ink pens. Then, I will move on to learning. Or whatever.

Drafted

Upon realizing I had not posted my blog for yesterday, I also realized I have not posted a few other blogs. Posting them now seems silly as the anniversary of moving into our house has passed and the post about whether or not I should grieve about the death of my husband's not-so-close brother is no longer relevant. (The answer: I should, but I didn't). I realized I have various states of blogging. I have blogs in my mind that only need typing, I have ideas that are evolving, but not yet complete or ready to be explored verbally, and apparently I have other that, though finished, are unfit for the internet to see. I don't decide this. Perhaps my computer does.

Ideas and words are such weird things. I pretend to have control over them, but I don't. Clearly.

It is, however, also clear that I need to learn to control them in order to maintain my sanity.

Book Thursday: Cleansing the Mental Palate

(oops...this should have been posted yesterday. Alas.)

Normally, for Thursdays,  I would like to write about a specific book, reflecting upon the book itself and attempting to fit this book into some sort of larger picture. I have been doing a lot of reading these past few weeks and, although I did read some amazing books, I encountered a problem with reading that I found much more interesting.

After finishing Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, I found it incredibly difficult to do much of anything else much less read any other books. The book crippled me mentally. In a good way, of course. I felt trapped in London Below and, although I enjoyed it there, I wanted to leave before reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks or The Things They Carried. HeLa cells and the Vietnam War are far from the sewers of London and the need to detach was obvious. I needed a mental cleanse. I enjoyed this book very much, but it wasn't my favorite book. I am not sure what it was about this book that struck me this way.

I tried reading children's books, writing down my thoughts, napping, but nothing could get me away from Neverwhere. Finally I had to just dig into my book. The thing is, though, that I didn't want to erase my thoughts and memories of Neverwhere completely. I am not sure how I hid them away in order to function normally, but I did. I suppose this is a good time to come up with an emergency plan: a way to cleanse my mental palatte after reading the next especially powerful book.

Here are a few images from the book. Have you read this book? Perhaps now you will. Please, tell me how you managed to escape from London Below (or Above!).

Book Thursday: Eats, Shoots and Leaves

As an English major (wait, I have a degree...now how do I defend my nerd status?), I have always felt a particularly strong inadequacy when it came to punctuation. I picked up Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss out of the desire to be entertained (yes, I am still a nerd) and also because I hoped to learn a little about commas: my epic weakness.

As I type this, I worry that I am making mistake after mistake. I will not proofread this entry out of fear. If I do, I will dwell on each comma, questioning my every key stroke. I don't want to put myself through that.

I did learn much about the history of punctuation, the evolution of the comma, and the arguments over the proper usage or necessity of various marks of punctuation. I also learned more about my beloved interrobang!

This book got me thinking about where punctuation will be in the future. Text messages read like a punctuation-less hell, a grammarian's nightmare, and a spelling, well, I don't have time to talk about that now. This, is the primary method of communication for many young people (including myself) and yet, we don't take the time to communicate properly. Are these formalities on the way out? As Truss noted, improper English and incorrect usage has bled over into popular media and the internet is not edited. Where does this leave correct grammar and punctuation?

Though English evolved within the lower classes and is always changing due to the need of the people, (English is very much alive and fluid) I can't help but feel nostalgia for complete sentences with periods and everything! I appreciate it when I am easily able to read a paragraph and not wonder about the author's intentions.

I, too, am still learning about punctuation and grammar: it is a constant battle. It is one that can, however, be won and the reward is a wonderful one: the ability to communicate well. In a world where communication is lacking and yet ever so important, I see no reason to mess up one of the keys to clear, concise communication. Learning to communicate clearly doesn't have to be stressful, but it does require effort!

(This entry was proofread, but not dwelled upon)

Egumacashun

I have a college degree. Really. And now I am a graduate student.

This marks a big change in my life and in my blog.

As a woman, mother, student, feminist, friend, sister, daughter, and wife (among many other things), I find that, most times, my ramblings are far from articulate and usually thrust upon unwilling listeners and readers.

This blog--and these are merely my good-willed intentions, mind you--will serve to chronicle the life of a person exploring life while trying to maintain some semblance of sanity. It's going to be a difficult road, Blog, please help me to stay sane, to actually express things in writing, and never, ever judge me because I eat ice cream for dinner.

Sorry, Blog

Apologizing for not writing is like apologizing to your grandma. No excuse is good enough and no matter what you feel guilty and slightly annoyed. Whatever.

I need to write more. I feel better after writing even the lamest of blogs so here I am.

I am currently counting down the days until my new baby gets here: 15 days left (hopefully less)! I am actually timing contractions as I type, hoping they will progress, but that seems unlikely at this point. My fingers are crossed anyway.

Unfortunately, this baby will likely result in the continued neglect of this blog...who knew such a tiny, web-cluttering blog could cause such distress in its writer!

Anyway, rest assured that it is here where I will vent, explore, explain, complain or just discuss when I indeed have the time. I need you more than you need me blog. I will not abandon you.