This is my brain on grad school

I spent all of last year adjusting to life as a grad student and the entirety of the summer detoxing, if you will.

Replace the word "drugs" with the word "academia."

Now that I am back in grad school, I am addicted yet again and I love it so much. But is it the best thing for me? That, I still don't know. I just don't know.

What I do know is that I haven't blogged in over a year, but my blog has still had lots of traffic from people looking for info on Lisa Frank binders. Clearly my priorities are out of whack. I will go back to writing about the important things in life like bright pink kittens and neon unicorns. Also Amish people.

The Commute: Graveyards, The Amish, and Nudity

Commuting to school is a new thing to me; I live 10 minutes from the college I went to as an undergraduate. I had days when I woke up 30 minutes before class and still made it on time all while looking cute. My alma mater was a commuter school so everyone drove, but I still felt lucky to have something so close to home. Now it takes me and hour and a half to get to class. That doesn't even count getting ready, getting the kids ready and to daycare, and getting food. The kids used to be able to stay home as we could easily fit a 10 minute commute into our daily work lives and schedule rearrangements. Clearly this commute is a brand new concept to me and though it is frustrating on those days when I have forgotten my lunch or a book I really need, it's still not all bad.

I can listen to music as loud as I want while I am driving. Children have what I imagine to be cute little sensitive eardrums. I know this isn't so much true as it is my projection of guilt over ruining eardrums because I want to listen to the Wicked soundtrack as loud as I possibly can. Who am I to rob them of their sense of hearing? I'll let them do that themselves when they go through that phase in high school.

I see interesting things along the way as well. One of my favorite sights is a small church with  huge graveyard next to it. Oh yeah, it also has a playground right in the graveyard. Who thought this was a good idea? Do the kids like it? Do they even know it's weird? I don't know any of these things, but I do know that I can't help but laugh a little every time I see it. I need to take a picture of this place! I also pass two gas stations, a mom n pop shop, and a Dollar General. That's it. Other than a few houses, it's basically just me and the creepy playground. Oh and some Amish people.

The other day, I saw a farmer harvesting his field. It was amazing! This farmer had two huge machines and a semi-truck following behind to catch the harvest. Then, I saw the Amish farm which was using a horse and some little metal thing (Clearly I need to brush up on my farming jargon) along with a few guys working REALLY hard. There is a story there somewhere though for now it will remain an anecdote. Also, Amish guys are kinda hot (inbreeding aside).

Speaking of awesome people, I saw a naked lady the other day. She was going out to get her mail wrapped only in a blanket. The wind must have decided she should show the world her aged body and, really,  she didn't much fight it. Next time, I hope she realizes the power to be had in accepting one's desire to be naked in public. Embrace it, naked lady. Embrace it. Or just put on clothes instead of a blanket.

Sometimes Life Takes Over

Sometimes I think the phrase, "Just living life" is misused. It is used by people who are doing nothing, but want it to describe the lazy type of life they choose to live (I'm not knocking this, but come on). Sometimes it is used by people who work too much at crappy jobs, making just enough to get by. Sometimes, it is used to romanticize our teen years (it wasn't that great, y'all).

For me, this phrase describes how my life has been for years. I have been doing a lot: marriage, kids, friends, school, work, and all of it is done well. But I have no idea how. I am not complaining: I love my life! But sometimes, reflecting on my life, I realize I would to know how to advise someone on how to balance all of these things. Have I even been doing these things? Who has been living my life for me, accomplishing all of these things?! Am I just living life?

I do have a major case of imposter syndrome, which gives me the amazing ability to be unable to internalize my own accomplishments (go me!), but this is beyond even that.

During orientation for grad school, everyone kept saying, "Balance!" As in, find balance between personal and professional lives, making sure to keep our feet, (or hands, or at least noses), in all parts of our lives, not losing anything as we continue to grow as people. I think I already do this, though unintentionally. I always make sure to watch a few crappy shows on tv, or to go out for ice cream, or take the kids to the park, just to watch them run and laugh.

Though for now I am unable to read for pleasure and I still can't shake the guilt I sometimes feel for having fun instead of preparing for class, I have balance and it's good. Laundry is being folded, children are being raised, friendship is being had, learning is being done. Life is good, even though it does seem to have a mind of its own.

Free Stuff is Scary

I recently decided to have a free yard sale. I had a basement full of stuff that wasn't being used that was just taking up lots of space. I hat tagging things and deciding if something is worth a dime, a quarter, or (gasp) a dollar. Having a free yard sale seemed like a great idea. Other people need stuff that I no longer need. Awesome.

I thought over the whole thing and decided a donation box would be appropriate. Perhaps some people would feel uncomfortable taking things for free. In fact, people have been caught completely off guard with the word "free."

Yard Sale Patron: "How much is this?"

I suppose this does look suspicious.

Me: "It's free. Everything is free"

Yard Sale Patron: "And this?"

Me: "Free."

Yard Sale Patron: "You mean this sheet with a hole in it is free?"

Me: "Yes, ma'am, it is."

Yard Sale Patron: "Oh, but I should give you something."

Me: "No, no, it's free. I hope you get some use out of it."

Yard Sale Patron: "I will. Here's a dollar."

This has been how most of the conversations have gone. I accept the money, of course, but I find it so interesting that people are unwilling to take free things. Are people leery of the word "Free" even if it doesn't involve any real commitment?

Many people have taken a couple of bags of stuff and decided they should give me a dollar or two. One old lady even gave my son a dollar for helping me with the yard sale.

People just don't know what to make of it.

Free stuff: please take. Please. But who in their right mind would get rid of a Beavis and Butt head CD for free?!

Update: I now have $21  and a de-cluttered basement from my free yard sale!

School Supplies

A Lisa Frank binder. Caution: Not a Trapper Keeper!

I went shopping for school supplies yesterday. Yes, I am about to go to grad school and not kindergarten. No, I did not buy crayons. I bought a planner and some new ink pens, but I really wanted a new backpack and maybe a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper. Those were the days. 

What it means to begin a school year has, of course, changed for me over the years, but the need to stock up on paper, pens, and containers for those papers and pens has not changed. It felt good to walk through the aisles of crayons, markers, and erasers even though I bought fancy ink pens instead. The anxiety that comes with a new school year is the same no matter how old you are. School supply therapy helps, though. 

Soon, I will neatly pack my notebook, folders, planner, ink pens, and my MacBook into my bag. In class, I will pull out my stuff, glancing around to make sure I have the coolest ink pens. Then, I will move on to learning. Or whatever.