Sometimes I think the phrase, "Just living life" is misused. It is used by people who are doing nothing, but want it to describe the lazy type of life they choose to live (I'm not knocking this, but come on). Sometimes it is used by people who work too much at crappy jobs, making just enough to get by. Sometimes, it is used to romanticize our teen years (it wasn't that great, y'all).
For me, this phrase describes how my life has been for years. I have been doing a lot: marriage, kids, friends, school, work, and all of it is done well. But I have no idea how. I am not complaining: I love my life! But sometimes, reflecting on my life, I realize I would to know how to advise someone on how to balance all of these things. Have I even been doing these things? Who has been living my life for me, accomplishing all of these things?! Am I just living life?
I do have a major case of imposter syndrome, which gives me the amazing ability to be unable to internalize my own accomplishments (go me!), but this is beyond even that.
During orientation for grad school, everyone kept saying, "Balance!" As in, find balance between personal and professional lives, making sure to keep our feet, (or hands, or at least noses), in all parts of our lives, not losing anything as we continue to grow as people. I think I already do this, though unintentionally. I always make sure to watch a few crappy shows on tv, or to go out for ice cream, or take the kids to the park, just to watch them run and laugh.
Though for now I am unable to read for pleasure and I still can't shake the guilt I sometimes feel for having fun instead of preparing for class, I have balance and it's good. Laundry is being folded, children are being raised, friendship is being had, learning is being done. Life is good, even though it does seem to have a mind of its own.
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